More thoughts..

When you’re confused…and your thoughts come in once in Arabic…once in English..and once with no language. Just thoughts coming in a language that I don’t understand.

I see images, but I don’t see them. I try to image, but it’s just black…I’m not sure if I need to see anything…

At the moment, all I need is to close my eyes and see blackness, just disable my sight, and hear vacuum, just disable my hearing…

The only sense that I need to have at the moment is the sense of existence. I need to understand my existence…I need to wrap my head around this existence. Where am I? What have I done? What’s gone? What’s next?

I just can’t keep going..I want to stop, and understand.

I want to take one deep…long…sigh…….

I want to feel my breath, carrying all the ache and exhaustion out…away….

I want a moment to see, to think, to ask….

I want to be forgotten and forget…

I want to get lost…


I don’t know..just lost..somewhere…here…but away..I want to re-live the past 30 years..not to change anything…not that I regret anything..I just want to make sense of myself now..

I can’t make sense of anything…I feel like a body deserted by the soul!

Things happening around me, people come and go…people come and STAY! people talk, laugh, cry, complain, talk talk talk and talk, people flirt and smile….and I’m here with no will! I don’t think of the right and the wrong, everything happening around me is JUST happening. It’s not right or wrong, it’s just happening….

And I’m frozen in time…can’t move forward and can’t get out of time..can’t get lost..but I want to get lost..maybe snatch someone with me…

just to have someone talk talk, do do, talk talk, do do…while I get lost alone…

I need someone…to get lost alone…

can’t do it alone..


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